BINARY, NON-BINARY

I've known B for over thirty years. 

I can clearly recall seeing B for the first time; a teenager riding a skateboard, blondey brown hair swept back in an Alice band. Smooth androgynous features and a slight slender frame. The common question most people asked when first seeing B was; 'Is that a boy or girl?'

Skateboarding drew us together as friends and B became a solid buddy, we spent hours and hours skating, surfing, listening to music... Just generally hanging out back when time seemed to be abundant and responsibilities were out of sight, way off beyond a distant horizon.

B was always just B to me, a good friend. But I was also very aware that he was different to most anyone else I'd ever met. He is uncompromising in many ways, and has no interest in conforming. He has a brilliant, enquiring, inquisitive mind and an astute view of himself, society and the world we live in. An incredibly talented musician, artist and maker. He has spent the last few decades continuing to follow the beat of a drum only he can clearly hear. 

We met up for a chat and a cuppa recently. In a rambling discussion that covered Christ Airs, biscuits, horseboxes and sexual politics B claimed that maybe he was non-binary.

Suddenly an imaginary lightbulb went on above my head as I poised, mid-slurp, and considered what B had just told me. For the first time in our long friendship I suddenly saw him in this new light. Why not? It made perfect sense, he's just a human, a really good human. If gender had to be described as a scale with extreme testosterone-fuelled machismo on one end and utter feminine oestrogen at the other. B would be somewhere in the middle... Just like the rest of us.

Insert second lightbulb moment here: Maybe we're all non-binary!

Think about it, what purpose does it serve to be labelled a man or a woman aside from sexual reproduction? Can't think of a single job that can't be done by either sex (apart from sperm/egg donor or wet nurse admittedly). Parenting and marriage are based on the equal division of labour & responsibility between two people (gender not essential). Sport has definitely fallen into the stereotype of segregating the sexes - why? (Ok, we're culturally and traditionally used to seeing separate all-male and all-female teams and events, but there's actually no real reason why this has to be.) Business, industry, education, organised religion, politics, arts and culture - none of it needs to be specifically gender biased. And, this is the real clincher for me, I'm 100% convinced the world would be a better place if men hadn't predominantly been in charge.

We give no significance to the colour of our eyes or hair (although for some reason the colour of our skin matters a great deal to some people). Gender specific labels are now seen as old-fashioned and dated - eg; terms such as 'Bachelor' and 'Spinster' no longer have any relevance at all. We're reassigning titles such as Headmaster/Headmistress to Head Teacher and so on. In the future what real purpose will being defined as male or female really serve?